Minu laps hakkas mind lööma kui oli umbes 1a 11 kuud vana. See kestis õnneks vähe. Meil aitas see kui selgitasin, et kuidas soovin et mind puudutatakse. Keelasin ja tegin siis tema käega pai. Ja seda kordasin ikka pidevalt. Ja lõpuks hakkas ta ise mulle samas situatsioonis kus muidu lõi hoopis pai tegema.
Natuke lugemist:
Aggressive behaviour
The majority of toddlers will occasionally use some form of aggressive behaviour, such as hitting, kicking, biting or scratching. In my experience, toddlers who resort to this sort of aggressive behaviour usually do so when they are feeling insecure. Some feel resentful and jealous when they suddenly find they have to share their parents’ attention with a new baby, or share the toys with other children at playgroup. A toddler who has not yet learned to share may try to retrieve his toy from another by kicking. The mother breast-feeding toddler who is feeling neglected. A gentle stroke of the baby’s cheek by the toddler may end up as a very severe scratch. Although all of these spur-of-the-moment attacks are intentional, they are not planned and the toddler does not yet understand what causes him to make them. Unlike tantrums, which are usually directed only at the parents, aggressive behaviour can often be directed at anyone whom the toddler feels is a threat. The toddler who gets into the habit of using aggressive behaviour as a way of asserting himself or of getting undivided attention will quickly become very unpopular with other parents and children.
The following guidelines give suggestions on how to deal with a toddler’s aggressive behaviour:
A toddler must learn that aggressive behaviour in any form is not acceptable. Therefore it is foolish to deal with this problem by smacking him or, even worse, as some books suggest, ‘biting him back’.
If your toddler lashes out aggressively in one way or another, immediately take him to one side and explain simply and firmly that biting, hitting, etc. is not allowed. Avoid using words like ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’, which will only make him feel more insecure.
Reinforce his good behaviour with lots of encouragement and praise, with much emphasis on the times he plays nicely with the baby and other toddlers.
Be extra vigilant when he is in group situations and quickly divert his attention when he shows signs of frustration and irritability.
A toddler should never be left alone with a baby for even a few minutes, and when they are together, they should be kept in full view.
The following case study describes a scenario that I have witnessed many times over the years. It describes how a temper tantrum can result in aggressive behaviour. Isabella, aged 18 months Isabella was very much a contented little baby for the first year of her life. She was a good eater and sleeper, with a sunny nature and ready smile. She had two older sisters of four and six and was the much loved baby of the family. For her first year-and-a-half she was the easiest and most loving child, adored by her big sisters and her parents. At about 18 months Isabella began to hit her sisters. She was a very happy little girl but tended to resort to smacking her sisters if she wanted their attention. Both elder girls were naturally gentle and
never once retaliated. Soon after this, Isabella began to hit her parents. Isabella’s mother would pick Isabella up for a cuddle or a kiss, and Isabella would use both hands to smack her mother’s cheeks, as if she was clapping. Her mother had never had to deal with this sort of problem before. She was baffled, since her older daughters had never demonstrated this behaviour, and when she had seen other children being physically unpleasant she had always thought the parents were responsible for not being firmer. Isabella’s mother had never smacked Isabella or her sisters, although when her elder daughters were toddlers she did sit them on a ‘naughty stair’ on the rare occasions when they were repeatedly naughty. She was soon to discover that the ‘naughty stair’ had no effect on Isabella, and her toddler found this ‘punishment’ such fun that she would often hit her sisters and then run to the naughty stair as if it was a game. Isabella’s mother sought my advice when Isabella began to hit other children. She recognised that the first couple of times when Isabella had smacked her sisters, the family had been mildly amused by their baby’s feisty character. She also recognised that since Isabella was the youngest and much adored baby of the family, they had all been rather more indulgent to and tolerant of her exuberant behaviour than was sensible. While Isabella’s mother recognised that this behaviour was not uncommon in toddlers, she was concerned that the more she tried to prevent Isabella hitting, the more amused her child seemed to be. Her mother also felt it was very unfair on her elder daughters that they had to put up with this when they were so kind and patient to their little sister. We discussed the fact that Isabella adored being the centre of attention and that as a bright child she had discovered that hitting was an immediate way to have everyone’s attention. I commended Isabella’s mother for not resorting to smacking, since we both felt that it is inappropriate to smack a child when the lesson you are trying to teach is that it was wrong to hit. The first advice I gave to Isabella’s mother was that the next time Isabella hit her or her sisters, all the family should firmly say ‘No, Isabella’ and then to avoid eye contact. It was important to be very clear that this was not a game and that her naughty behaviour would not be rewarded with attention. Secondly, I encouraged Isabella’s mother to defuse situations where Isabella was able to hit her sisters. If her sister was lying on the floor when Isabella hit her, I suggested she immediately tell her elder daughter to put herself out of reach – sitting up in a chair or going to her bedroom. Similarly, if Isabella hit her mother during a cuddle, her mother was to put her down and immediately turn her attention to something else. Within a week, the family’s new response to Isabella’s hitting was having a good effect. Isabella still occasionally hit her family, but having discovered it didn’t produce a very interesting response, her hitting become less common and more half-hearted. Finally, I encouraged her mother to tell Isabella that she would have to go to her cot if she repeated her behaviour. Isabella’s mother was concerned this would effect Isabella’s happiness in her cot, since she had always been very good about going to bed, and loved lying and playing in her bed. However, I reassured her that it was very unlikely that she would need to put Isabella in her cot more than once or twice, so there was little chance that this would affect her good sleep associations with it. On the next occasion when Isabella hit her sister, Isabella’s mother gathered her up and carried her to her cot, where she was left for a couple of minutes. Isabella was astonished and upset. She understood that this was the result of hitting her sister, She began to cry and shout ‘orry’ – her word for ‘sorry’. Her mother gave her a big cuddle and asked her to give her big sister a kiss. Isabella is now nearly two and has not hit anyone in her family or social circle for more than two months. She is a delightful, loving little girl whose behaviour is no longer marred by episodes of hitting her sisters, parents or friends.
